The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
