dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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