I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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