i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
