Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
