Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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