I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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