with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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