even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize