Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
