I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
