Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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