Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
