I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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