U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
