I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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