she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
