I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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