For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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