On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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