The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
