Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
