If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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