Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
