All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
