Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
