I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
