some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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