i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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