i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
