well you can't waste a boner
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
