Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
