Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize