I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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