kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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