There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
