Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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