When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I skipped work to stalk him.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
worst night to have a conscience
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
