Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
