I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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