john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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