I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
