she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
