haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize