They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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