Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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