Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize