You can't motorboat a personality
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
