She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
