Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
