she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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