I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
