I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
