The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
