I just pynch a tree in the face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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