Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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