I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
babies were throwing up all over the place
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
