i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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