i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
