I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
